Reading Room: The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book

This book attempts to distill down everything you need to know about emotional intelligence and help you put that knowledge into action.

The first section of the book provides a description on what emotional intelligence is and why it matters. The authors define emotional intelligence from a biological perspective as the need to for the rational center of the brain and the emotional center of the brain (the limbic system) to communicate effectively with each other.There are 4 emotional intelligence skills: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

• Self-awareness is the ability to accurately perceive your on emotions.
• Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to direct your behavior positively.
• Social awareness is your ability to pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.
• Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of both your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.

The authors highlight some statistics about emotional intelligence such as: only 36% of people can identify their emotions as they happen, 70% of people have difficulty handling stress, women score 10% higher than men in relationship management, CEOs tend to have the lowest emotional intelligence, high performers tend to have higher emotional intelligence, and people with higher levels of emotional intelligence have better health. However, there are few, if any, citations for any of these statistics.

They then offer a quiz for determining emotional intelligence and the scores in each area and the next section delves into how to increase your emotional intelligence. The brain can adjust and change over time through it’s plasticity. In order to change, you need to lean into your discomfort in order to recognize your emotions and the feelings that accompany them. One of the biggest challenges that people face is managing their tendencies over time an putting momentary needs on hold for the achievement of larger goals. This taps into the skill of self-management.

1. In order to start recognizing patterns of emotions, begin by writing down some of the things that you see, do, think and feel in situations that are overwhelming. This will allow you to start seeing patterns and your response. In turn, this allows you to anticipate some events and plan on how you will handle the emotions.
2. When you can’t plan ahead, then pause and take a few breaths before doing anything in response.
3. Self-talk is also a great method for talking control of your responses -it doesn’t have to be out-loud but can be silently within your head.
4. Talking to others and asking advice from individuals who can see you behavior more objectively can also assist in growing your self-awareness.
5. Listening to others is the most valuable way to build social awareness. To listen well,  you cannot be multi-tasking or formulating your next comment. Since most humans primarily use hearing and seeing to take in information, it is important to really hone your listening skills.
6. Supplement listening with paying attention to body language, tone and volume of voice, and speed of movement. These cues will help you decipher what others are feeling.
7. If you want people to listen to you, you need to practice relationship management. The difference between and interaction and a relationship is the frequency of the connection. It takes time to build a relationship, and it is important to recognize your emotions when you are interacting with others and share your genuine interest whenever you can.

Teams present an interesting twist to emotional intelligence. A group of people working together have a collective emotional intelligence. Team emotional intelligence is a group’s style of relating to one another, decision-making, and responding to others. In a team setting, there four key skills are slightly different and revolve mainly around management skills: managing the emotions of team members, manging relationship among team members, and managing the relationship with external individuals and/or teams.

 

The team needs to accurately be aware of the emotions that influence the group and how each group member responds to specific situations and people. With that awareness, a team then needs to be flexible and direct their behavior, as a group, in a positive way. The other portion of the equation is relationship managment between team members and also with those outside the team.